RELAYSHUNZ

lonely life

2011-08-21T13:25:00.000-04:00

life gets lonely when friends move away
when the one you live with does not want to stay
from strangers to roommates to partners and friends
it's usually sad when the sharing ends

and you know you'll move on
and you'll find someone new
and sort of replace them
and come out of the blue
but just for a while
there is time to digest
and feel sad and lonely
before what comes next
some slumber in new fantasies
or linger in sweet memories

you can wonder why no one comes knocking at your door
you can wonder why your phone does not ring
you can sit home alone wondering if no one cares
but all that wondering does not change a thing

when you're ready you'll go out and say hello
to old friends and strangers with hope in your eyes
and maybe somebody will come and not go
but whatever happens...

life gets lonely when friends move away
when the one you live with does not want to stay
from strangers to roommates to partners and friends
it's usually sad when the sharing ends

so now there is room in your life and your space
so how do you let the world know
without seeming too vulnerable or desperate
without letting too much of the lonely show
are you ready to go out and say hello?
or do you slumber in new fantasies
or linger in sweet memories
sweet memories

yes you know you'll move on
and you'll find someone new
and sort of replace them
and come out of the blue
but until you do
until you do
until you do

life gets lonely when friends move away
when the one you live with does not want to stay
from strangers to roommates to partners and friends
it's usually sad when the sharing ends

who will be there in the end

2011-08-10T00:55:00.001-04:00

listening to the words of a song
from a movie that was a play
will someone care

sung by the members of a life support group
for people dying of aids
suddenly i am aware

that everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end

and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end

we're all asking
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass
will i lose my dignity
will someone care

it may be more obvious with cancer or aids
but we all share the same fear
of being alone at the end

old age is the final card that is played
if none of the others do it,
old age will, my friend

for everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end

and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end

we're all asking
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass
will i lose my dignity
will someone care

sometimes i want to end it all while i can
rather than be alone when i'm helpless at the end
sometimes i want to end it all, do you understand?
no one answers when i ask who will be the friend?

we're all asking
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass
will i lose my dignity
will someone care

for everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end

and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end

camping (alive in the moment)

2011-08-06T02:09:00.001-04:00

heard you went camping with friends
and your new lover, building your new life
doesn't mean we have to end
i can love you and your new wife
all that really matters
is what we're feeling
the memories
alive in the moment
all that really matters
is what we're sharing
how much we care
alive in the moment
alive in the moment
alive in the moment
the moment
the moment

and i wish i was sleeping
under the stars
with you
tonight

and i wish we were speaking
under the stars
together
tonight

and i look up at the sky
and you look up at the sky
and no matter where we are
we see the same stars
we are together in our hearts
together in our minds
no matter where we are
we can find

we are living in the moment
under the stars
together
each night

we are living in the moment
under the stars
wherever
we're right

bonded by our love
our trust, our bond never ends
believing in each other
we'll always be friends

so here i am am sleeping
under the stars
with you
tonight

our hearts are still speaking
under the stars
together
tonight

as i look up at the sky
and you look up at the sky
no matter where we are
we see the same stars
we are together in our hearts
together in our minds
no matter where we are
we can find

we are living in the moment
under the stars
together
each night

we are living in the moment
under the stars
wherever
we're right

wherever we are
we are under the stars
together
each night

living in the moment
under the stars
wherever
alright

living in the moment
under the stars
together
tonight

wonder

2011-08-04T22:59:00.000-04:00

every day i wonder
are you too busy for me
would i be intruding if
i reach out to you tonight
i just want to do right

every day i wonder
are you thinking of me
would i be welcome if
i called you up tonight
would it be alright

would i hear it in your voice
would i be able to tell
if your eyes were rolling
or if you were smiling
could you be wondering to
if i am thinking of you
and just looking at your phone
wondering if i am home

do you know that you need never feel lonely
that i am always willing to be here for you
do you know that you are still the only one
who made my fondest dream of love come true
i wonder if you ever really knew
and i wonder if you wonder too

every day i wonder
are you too busy for me
would i be intruding if
i reach out to you tonight
i just want to do right

every day i wonder
are you thinking of me
would i be welcome if
i called you up tonight
would it be alright

i wonder
would it be alright

dia and harry

2011-07-17T04:42:00.003-04:00

listening to your voice kept my heart alive
in the darkest moments when love betrayed trust
i don’t know how to explain how much you mean to me
and make it make sense, since we’ve never met
but have you ever read a book you belonged in?
have you ever heard a song your soul wrote to you?
was there ever a story, just words to your eyes
that became an epic monument in your mind?

listening to your voice takes me to a good place
a feeling that you understand something no one else could
and if that is just fantasy then please let me dream
for there is no reason to end something this good
when i read your words i feel like i belong there
when i heard you sing i feel like i should sing too
can we write a story, just words for our eyes
that becomes an epic monument in our minds?

would that be just kept in my imagination
or can you feel in these words some familiar sensation
maybe you see in me what i see in you
what stops us from knowing something real, something true
just tell me what you want me to do
if nothing else, i wish you knew

listening to your voice kept my heart alive
in the darkest moments when love betrayed trust
i don’t know how to explain how much you mean to me
and make it make sense, since we’ve never met

he asked,
” Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?
he said,
” Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry,
but why on earth should that mean it is not real?”

have you ever read a book you belonged in?
have you ever heard a song your soul wrote to you?
was there ever a story, just words to your eyes
that became an epic monument in your mind?

and i hope you see

you are that book
you are that song
you are that story
the epic monument
for me

choice

2011-06-20T02:10:00.001-04:00

you made the right choice
i hope you're happy now
for when i look at you
i don't see the
one i thought i fell in love with

we may never be facebook friends
maybe we're just not of that ilk
the story of our love may be split ends
and sad songs and spilt milk

you made the right choice
i see you older now
the weight of the world has
brought you down to
a place i never want to go

we may never be twitter friends
nothing that public or free
left in dreams without ends is where
the story of our love may be

never meant to put you down
never meant to drag you down
never meant to weigh you down
is that why you let me go?

never meant to hurry you
never meant to worry you
never meant to bury you
just wanted you to know

you made the right choice
for when i see you now
it's all to clear to me
what was meant to be
i should have never hung on

we may never be public friends
maybe we're just not of that ilk
the story of our love may be split ends
and sad songs and spilt milk

love may be split ends
and sad songs
and spilt milk

love may be split ends
and sad songs
and spilt milk

relative ends (who will pay the rent?)

2011-05-22T02:38:00.001-04:00

listening to the words of a song
from a movie that was a play
will someone care

sung by the members of a life support group
for people dying of aids
suddenly i am aware

that everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end

and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end

we're all asking
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
when old age ails me
when i must depend on someone else
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass
will i lose my dignity
will someone care

it may be more obvious with cancer or aids
but we all share the same fear
of being alone at the end

old age is the final card that is played
if none of the others do it,
old age will, my friend

for everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end

and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end

we're all asking
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
when old age ails me
when i must depend on someone else
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass
will i lose my dignity
will someone care

sometimes i want to end it all while i can
rather than be alone when i'm helpless at the end
sometimes i want to end it all, do you understand?
no one answers when i ask who will be the friend?

we're all asking
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
when old age ails me
when i must depend on someone else
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass
will i lose my dignity
will someone care

for everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end

and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end

deeper desires

2011-04-10T22:58:00.001-04:00

I've got a strange relationship with myself
I trust myself unconditionally
so I let myself get in all sorts of trouble
and far from the one I know as me

it must be confusing to anyone who looks
at my life with any serious concern
but there are no worries, just missing pieces
and still so much more to learn
still so much more to learn

why don't we give the next page of my life a turn

I’ve got to get a handle on my impulses today
I’m letting imbalanced lusts get carried away
and I have not been writing to myself enough lately
letting distractions dilute deeper desires in me

looking for connections
comments messages and tweets
looking for attention
looking for someone who wants to meet
internet diversions
wanting to believe I’m finding friends
just wishing and hoping
the long term loneliness ends

but I keep so busy that I don’t
remember to keep in touch with myself
I wonder if you understand
I don’t let myself feel as lonely as I am

I’ve got to get back to taking care of myself
not just the momentary impulses
but the dreams long stashed up on a shelf

I’ve got to get back to the depths deep inside
not just the simple happy daily smiles
but the passions that have been so long denied

looking for connections
but too busy to see
looking for attention
but not giving enough attention to me
internet diversions
watching tv and playing games
just wishing and hoping
somebody will share more than names

but I keep so busy that I don’t
remember to keep in touch with myself
I wonder if you understand
I don’t let myself feel as lonely as I am

I don’t want to feel the desperation
I don’t want to settle for one night stands
I don’t want to choose someone just to quell the loneliness
I wonder if anyone understands

I’ve got to get a handle on my business today
I’m letting work and light play get carried away
and I have not been writing to myself enough lately
letting distractions dilute deeper desires in me
I must return to the deeper desires in me
must return to the deeper desires in me
must return to the deeper desires in me
must return to the deeper desires in me

the love of your life

2011-02-22T20:25:00.000-05:00

you called me the love of your life
but never heard my heart was not yours
were you hoping i would fall for you
that is not what falling in love is for
it either happens or it does not
and i told you it did not for me
you told me that you had no choice
your love for me ignored my words
my selfishness ignored your voice
our choices create our lot

i wish i never let it go so far
for now i do not know where you are
i miss how much you were devoted to me
did my leaving set you free?

when we met you were pregnant with someone’s child
i never knew who he was or why he was not around
i’m not sure why i didn’t ask and now i wonder why
was i just happy you needed me and not the other guy?

when we met you were grieving, your father just died
you still lived at home, never on your own, eyes wide
just a child with a child and i took you in and shared my life
but the one thing i never wanted you to be was my wife

i tried to be kind, was i too kind?...
or is kindness cruel in the end?
you wanted me to fall in love
i wanted a best friend

you wanted a lover
i wanted a mother
too late we discovered
the two do not mix

how do people measure
what’s comfort or pleasure
when you break a treasure
maybe there is no fix

we never really saw eye to eye
maybe you chose the wrong guy

i wish i never let it go so far
for now i do not know where you are
i miss how much you were devoted to me
did my leaving set you free?

i bought you a house, then i let it go
if you paid it off it is worth five times what we paid
you wanted a spouse, i wanted a show
we were both victims of the game we played
and did we let money get in the way?

you called me the love of your life
but never heard my heart was not yours
were you hoping i would fall for you
that is not what falling in love is for
it either happens or it does not
and i told you it did not for me
you told me that you had no choice
your love for me ignored my words
my selfishness ignored your voice
our choices create our lot

i wish i never let it go so far
for now i do not know where you are
i miss how much you were devoted to me
did my leaving set you free?

all i need to find

2010-12-01T01:15:00.001-05:00

if i fantasize about you every night
would you tell me it is wrong or it's alright?
if i promise all my heart and soul to you
would you tell me it's a dream that can't come true?
if i prayed to every god to hold your hand
would you tell me that you don't undestand?
if i lived my life to make your dreams come true
would you tell me i'm a fool - i wish i knew
and if i reached out to touch you
what would you do?

just a look in your eyes
has me mesmerized
just the way that you smile
melts me - is it your style?
just the way that you walk
just the way that you talk
just the way that you are
am i going too far?

and if i never actually get you to notice me
if this love i feel remains only a fantasy
if all that comes of this is the song i sing
i will still give you everything
for the dream of you and the hope you bring
makes me feel like a king
and if this kingom is all in my mind
in this life
it is . . .
all i need to find

the look in your eyes
all i need to find
just the way that you smile
all i need to find
just the way that you walk
all i need to find
just the way that you talk
all i need to find
just the way that you are
all i need to find
all i need to do
to make all my dreams come true
is dream
of you

to make all my dreams come true
all i need to find
is you

portishead sings glory box (side two)

2010-10-19T01:13:00.004-04:00

how I would love to get up your skirt
and take you to where nothing can hurt
where rockets go off and sirens wail
and you feel like you could never fail
in that moment of bliss
when the four lips kiss
and the bodies entwine
how I wish you were mine
(I will make you mine)

will you let me in
will you let me in
will you let me in
portishead sings glory box
and love begins

how I would love to dive into your eyes
and find out where the whole truth lies
in that moment when nothing can hide
and you let love reach you deep inside
in that moment of high
when you could just die
and you find you live
with so much to give
(how I want to give)

will you let me give
will you let me give
will you let me give

portishead sings glory box

and love lives

two sides of love

2010-10-18T23:17:00.001-04:00

two sides of love

if you looked at me i would let you in
and ask you to tell me where to begin
to show you i care and want to be your friend
that's the kind of love that has no end

if you kissed me i would not hide my surprise
i would ask you who lives behind your eyes
what does your heart want most in this life
and your dreams, can we wake them tonight

found your comment and came to see
who you might be
and what you might inspire in me

i wish you the world, whatever you want
and all you want to be
that's all for now, i'll take my leave
you know where to find me

if you came to my door i would let you in
with hope something beautiful could begin
take your comfort, trust your instincts now
and be yourself as only you know how

i wish i knew better now

2010-09-16T02:54:00.001-04:00

there was a time I was so adored
and I never meant to hurt anyone
there were people who knew my heart
where all there is is love and fun
there were people I trusted unconditionally
and people who trusted me
but I wanted too much and they’re gone
I pushed them away with my carrying on
cuz the first lesson I learn in life
was that people do not stick around
abandonment became
a self-fulfilled prophesy
and now my heart beat is a lonely sound

I wish I knew better back then
before I pushed away all my friends
I wish I didn’t test how much they loved me
just to prove everybody pretends
I wish I knew how to compromise
before I gave into all the lies
I wish I didn’t push everybody away
just to prove no one would stay

doesn’t anybody understand
I will die for love
and I have more than once in this life

won’t somebody hold my hand
to live for love
where is my long lost wife

I sit awake alone at night
writing these songs
dreaming of loving once again

do I hold on too tight
do I let go too fast
I wish I knew better now
than I did then

now I wonder did you ever feel as loved
as when you let me love you
was it too much or not enough
will I ever know what is true

now I wonder if you ever believe i
would love you beyond the day I die
here I am in a place with no time
still loving you – that is my crime

doesn’t anybody understand
I will die for love
and I have more than once in this life

won’t somebody hold my hand
to live for love
where is my long lost wife

I sit awake alone at night
writing these songs
dreaming of loving once again

do I hold on too tight
do I let go too fast
I wish I knew better now
than I did then

<a href="http://megdia.bandcamp.com/track/the-one">The One by Meg & Dia</a>

living the song

cynical people

2010-03-15T23:32:00.027-04:00

people have become untrustworthy
the hope once held in the human heart
is gone
gone
gone

people have become undeserving
the love once held for the human heart
is gone
gone
gone

people can be bought and sold too easily
people are too gullible for reality
people prefer ignorance delusion and fantasy
to knowledge awareness and honesty

just look around if you do not believe me
unless you really do not want to see
are you just like all the people lost in futile fantasy
people are you people just pretending to be free
people are you people entropy

and in the end...

people have become...
people have become...
people have become...
undone

the epic saga of the truth

2009-11-20T02:27:00.000-05:00

i was once so sensitive that i'd cry
if i saw anger in someone's eye
everywhere i looked i saw hate and strife
all the cruelty of every life
all i could do was hope it would end
when i found someone to be my friend
but i found no one who did not betray
the words of love they tried to say

and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth

i was once so considerate that i would
give everything i could just to be good
for kindness was the best feeling i could feel
and giving unconditionally made it real
but i found no one would give the same way
people take advantage and then do not stay
but i found no one who did not betray
the words of trust they tried to say

and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth

so is this pathos, a poor me song
is this a foolish game dragging me along
i don't want anything from you
unless you can tell me... what is true?

i was once so generous that i'd give
everything away, that's just how i lived
now i find myself alone and feeling so tired
i can barely remember how i was once so inspired
to believe in the human heart
and in love that never ends
now i find myself alone
wondering... where is my friend

and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth

and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i wonder if it's time to fold or unfold
and i feel like i have been rolled
and i think i was never told
the truth

maybe i'm depressed
maybe i'm a mess
maybe i am just tired of games

maybe this is your song
are you singing along
will you give me your real names?

is this embarrassing
do you feel anything
or have you grown this numb too?

i wonder what you think
i wonder what you drink
i wonder what surprises you

i was once so curious that i'd ask
everyone i met to remove their mask
everywhere i looked i was lies and strife
and i did not believe that was real life
I want to believe in the human heart
and in love that never ends
now i find myself alone
I don't want to pretend
it's ok...

I still find myself alone
wondering... where is my friend

and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth

and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i wonder if it's time to fold or unfold
and i feel like i have been rolled
and i think i was never told
the truth

wondering about you

2009-11-11T04:12:00.000-05:00

i wonder if you're too busy
i wonder if you're depressed
i wonder if you're just dizzy
i wonder if you're upset
i wonder if you are hearing
voices telling you to run
or someone demanding you do not
continue what you have begun

i wonder if you are feeling
i wonder if you are numb
i wonder if you just want to
punish yourself for things you've done
i wonder if you are being
careless or insensitive
have you turned off your heart again
or just think you have nothing to give

i am wondering about you
what is real and what is true
what you want and what you do
i am wondering about you

i am wondering about you
what is old and what is new
what inspires you to break through
i am wondering about you

i wonder if you're sleeping
it's the middle of the night
i wonder if you're dreaming
about darkness or light
i wonder if you're sharing
what is real and what is true
i wonder if you're caring
that i am wondering about you

i wonder what shuts you down
i wonder what turns you on
i wonder what remains
i wonder what is gone
i wonder what went on here
and did i miss the signs
i wonder what you wanted
betwixt and between the lines

i am wondering about you
what is real and what is true
what you want and what you do
i am wondering about you

i am wondering about you
what is old and what is new
what inspires you to break through
i am wondering about you

i wonder if you're sleeping
it's the middle of the night
i wonder if you're dreaming
about darkness or light
i wonder if you're sharing
what is real and what is true
i wonder if you're caring
that i am wondering about you

i wonder why i'm caring
and wondering about you

The Story

2009-06-01T02:05:00.001-04:00

1993 we met in correspondence
she knew exactly what to write
to get into my heart and mind

love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know

1995 she confessed her love for me
she told me her whole life was a lie
she needed me so she could fly

love is forever
love always grows
this is the most
precious dream I know

1997 two years of bliss and pain
I gave her control of my brain
she tried to make me go insane

love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know

1999 I gave her everything I could
from far away I waited for her
to do what she said she would

all the while she was begging me to hang on
all the while she was asking for everything I could give
all the while she was keeping me living in yesterday
using the power I gave her to keep me so far away

1999 she begged me to hold on
wait for me, she said, and I did
even when she was gone

love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know

I never really knew what was going on
all I knew was that my heart was gone
she begged me to leave it in her hands
is there anyone who understands?

2001 I crawled back to where I came from
finding myself lost and broken
half waiting half trying to understand
what happened and how to begin again
without my heart, how to begin again

love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know

2004 a correspondence, first time in three years
I felt my anger and pain dissolve in precious tears
I asked her why she actualized my greatest fear
I asked her to return my heart and mind if she would not come here
her silence fell upon me once again (I asked, why won’t you share?)
her indecision rose like a wall once again (I asked, why don’’t you care?)
only to find her that she would once again… disappear

I thought my heart was open
I thought my doors were open
I thought I was ready for love
so why am I alone

I thought that I was free and
I thought that I was me and
I thought I was over the past
I though that I had known

love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know

2008 again a few words from so far away
she confessed she used me, what else was there to say
was I the fool still waiting for her to return my heart?
and now, am I free?... where and how do I start?

she said she married another and he gave her a child
she moved on but she still will not let go
there is no room in her life for me today
but she will not let go
is it because I know

love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know

love is forever
the best I’ve got
how it can end is something
I still do not know

all the while she was begging me to hang on
all the while she was asking for everything I could give
all the while she was keeping me living in yesterday
using the power I gave her to keep me so far away

I never really knew what was going on
all I knew was that my heart was gone
she begged me to leave it in her hands
is there anyone who understands?

she still keeps the best of me
under her lock and key
even though she started over long ago
had another child with another man in 1999, oh
and yet she still will not return the things that keep me hanging on
so what am I to do when my heart and mind are gone?
this is the only way I know to carry on

love is forever
no matter what
love is still the most
precious dream I know

The Prologue

2009-06-01T02:02:00.001-04:00

I am so far from the person I used to be
I used to sing
I used to dance
I used to love
passion, romance
I used to run
I used to fly
I used to dream
my mind could touch the sky
I used to feel
the human touch
I used to want
to be in love too much

how far I fell
to hear love’s calling
could it be that
I am still falling

love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know

unrelationship

2009-05-12T23:24:00.000-04:00

all the time alone
when you disappear
i question my trust
wonder why i care

all the time alone
like missing rungs on a life ladder
and then you return and tell me to climb
as if all the time alone
doesn't matter

do you just need to have control
it is always on your terms
silence is a lonely noise

do you just like to watch me fall
you treat me like a toy, old toys
a child leaves broken toys behind
but what of broken boys?

all the time alone
between times you appear
i question what love means
and why i should share

all the time alone
like missing rungs on a life ladder
and then you return and tell me to climb
as if all the time alone
doesn't matter

every now and then
i face reality
in all the time alone
i can see

you come back telling me
that i matter to you
i say, really?

but all the time alone
brings more clarity
time alone matters
to me

and in all the time alone
what really doesn't matter to you
is me

sharing

2009-04-13T01:17:00.001-04:00

if you don’t like to be touched, keep your distance
i have learned how to feel like that but it is not really me
if you don’t like to be hugged, keep your distance
i have learned how to keep mine, but that is not really me

i want to find some one who will remind me who i am
how i feel and how i love to be felt
i want to find someone who can believe and understand
how true love makes a heart melt
can your mind melt
can your body melt
when was the last time you felt
how you love to be felt

if you don’t like to be touched, keep your distance
i have learned to be afraid but that is not really me
if you don’t like to be loved, keep your distance
i have learned how to be numb, but that is not really me

i know why i am down deep inside
i know i’ve learned how to run and hide
i’ve learned how to pretend i’ve died
but there is so much more denied
and sharing will remind me
sharing will make it real again
sharing will help me find me
sharing will let me feel again
sharing’s the answer
sharing is what life’s about
so much has been buried deep inside
sharing will let it back out

i want to find some one who can really share
how it feels to be in love and be felt
i want to find someone who can believe and understand
how true love makes a heart melt
can your mind melt
can your body melt
when was the last time you felt
how you love to be felt

when you’re sharing
life is sharing
i want to be sharing

and sharing will remind you
sharing will make it real again
sharing will help you find you
sharing will let you feel again
sharing’s the answer
sharing is what life’s about
so much has been buried deep inside
sharing will let it back out

afraid

2009-02-21T23:29:00.000-05:00

so afraid of living
so afraid of dying
so afraid of giving
so afraid of trying
feeling like i may be
the only one who isn't lying
sitting here alone
just alibying

wasting away
not even watching the world going by anymore
what's left to say
i left behind what i was living for
once in a dream
i fell in love forever
now it just seems
whatever, whatever

why should anybody care about me now
when i'm not ever caring about myself
how can i find a friend when i've forgotten how
all the dreams are lost up on a shelf

and i'm
so afraid of living
so afraid of dying
so afraid of giving
so afraid of trying
feeling like i may be
the only one who isn't lying
sitting here alone
just alibying

wasting away
not even watching the world going by anymore
what's left to say
i left behind what i was living for
once in a dream
i fell in love forever
now it just seems
whatever, whatever

somewhere buried in my mind
lost dreams calling from above
somewhere buried in my heart
i dream of falling in love
oh god i
still dream of falling in love

but i am
so afraid of living
so afraid of dying
so afraid of giving
so afraid of trying
feeling like i may be
the only one who isn't lying
sitting here alone
just alibying

wasting away
not even watching the world going by anymore
what's left to say
i left behind what i was living for
once in a dream
i fell in love forever
now it just seems
whatever, whatever

i don't have much time left in this life and all i do is work and moan
doesn't feel so good always being on my own
i don't have much hope left in this life for finding someone to love me
doesn't feel so good always feeling so lonely

will i always be
so afraid of living
so afraid of dying
so afraid of giving
so afraid of trying
feeling like i may be
the only one who isn't lying
sitting here alone
just alibying

wasting away
not even watching the world going by anymore
what's left to say
i left behind what i was living for
once in a dream
i fell in love forever
now it just seems
whatever, whatever

girl from texas

2009-01-30T00:27:00.002-05:00

girl from texas
how you move me
your vibrations
pass right through me
and they take me
somewhere higher
there’s no telling
what
you could inspire

girl from texas
can i touch you
i’ll be gentle
i’ll be kind
i’ll be loving
as you guide me
through your body
in
to your mind

girl from texas
i embrace you
i adore you
loveliness
from this distance
i will love you
as you wish
and
as you are

girl from texas
you excite me
see me tremble
in your view
above all else
i’ll respect you
what you say is
what
i will do

girl from texas
know that this is
real and true

girl from texas
may you kiss this
let it through

girl from texas
please don’t miss this
feel it too

girl from texas
what your bliss is
i will do

girl from texas
i confess this
i love you

comp 101 (part one)

2008-12-22T18:01:00.002-05:00

you say you want me to call
but you don't like talking on the phone
you like your talking face to face i wonder,
how long have you been on your own
you hand me your number as i leave
and encourage me to care for myself
now what am i supposed to make of that oh,
what's that book up on your shelf?

is it pride and prejudice
or is it war and peace
maybe tale of two cities
or the golden fleece
is it something unique
someone i never heard of
oh...
or are you writing something new
and does it take two
for the love or words
or are we gonna fall in love

you say you want me to call
well haven’t been asked for so long
i like the smile on your face i wonder,
what would you do with your own song
you reach out to hug me as i leave
i think i’m not sure i remember how
i was feeling you pressed up against me oh
what's that book your reading now?

is it the road less traveled
or is it custer’s last stand
quixote de la mancha
alice in wonderland
is it something brand new
will it fit us like a glove
oh...
should i act like i have no clue
or move like i do
for the love or words
does the answer come from above

what book do you read when you are most alone
what book can take you home
what book do you read when you’re most afraid
have you ever felt saved
by words or music or anything
what book lives inside your heart
i want to know your story
so where shall we start

you say you want me to call
but you don't like talking on the phone
you like your talking face to face i wonder,
how long have you been alone
you give me a smile as i leave
makes me want to take a good look at myself
now what am i supposed to make of that oh,
what's that book up on your shelf?

if i give you mine tonight

2008-12-02T04:23:00.001-05:00

lost in the revelry
a lonely voice sighs
counting the promises that
have turned into lies
and in the morning light
an innocent cries
picking up the pieces
of life's greatest prize

and where are the friends we used to know
where is the caring
all of the love, where did it go
where is the sharing

once we could trust each other
like sisters and brothers
and now we hide behind locked doors

if i give you mine tonight
could i ask for yours?

lost in the cacophony
a lonely heart beats
counting the moments passing
as little defeats
living a life alone
a social life dies
we are social beings
is this a surprise?

so where are the friends we used to know
where is the caring `
all of the love, where did it go
where is the sharing

once we could trust each other
like sisters and brothers
and now we hide behind locked doors

if i give you mine tonight
could i ask for yours?

are there still dreamers dreaming the dreams
that created fairy tales?
are there still poets imagining
a love that never fails?
are there still children sharing pretending
without a world of fears?
are there still people living happily ever after
anywhere?

lost in the industry
a lonely hand asks
will anyone hold me today
between all the tasks
and in the dark of night
loneliness on the rise
counting the years passing
wondering why

we share less and less,
and then we die
why oh why oh why
why don't we learn to share more
before we die?
can we learn to share more
before we die?

oh where are the friends we used to know
where is the caring `
all of the love, where did it go
where is the sharing

once we could trust each other
like sisters and brothers
and now we hide behind locked doors

if i give you mine tonight
could i ask for yours?

passion plays on

2008-11-02T23:50:00.002-05:00

she has this way of smiling
that asks you to want her
she's got this way of standing
that asks you to hold her
she's got this way of sitting
that asks you to come closer
she's got this way of moving
that makes you hungry for her

and you want to know more
and you want to see more
you want to lift her veil and her skirt

unabashed and embarassed
you're caught with your pants down
but wanting her just makes you hurt

you've got to do something
she's upset your peace
you've got to do something
to find some release
your passion is bursting
at the seems
desire has you humble
she fills all your dreams
just something about her
no words can explain
but if you don't have her
you will go insane
your hunger for her
is eating your brain
each moment without her
is more and more pain

it's becoming an obsession
in just a little while
you have become addicted
to her smile

she has this way of smiling
that asks you to want her
she's got this way of standing
that asks you to hold her
she's got this way of sitting
that asks you to come closer
she's got this way of moving
that makes you hungry for her

and all you want to do now
is tell her you adore her
and all you want to do now
is anything for her

you better tell her soon fool
you can't ignore her
stalling and shuffling
will only bore her

you'll lose if you don't try
so knock on her door
and tell her you love her
that's what you're made for

a neighbor and her dog

2008-10-27T23:25:00.001-04:00

she has a dog named mikey and said
mikey loves people
or was it
mikey loves everybody
mikey is special

so mikey rolled over and got a belly rub
and she didn't linger
but i
didn't get the finger

so maybe she'll talk to me again
who knows
we might see each other at the mailboxes
she lives in the building next door
i think
somewhere on the first floor
i think
and i would have liked to see her some more
i think
but i was playing with mikey
so i don't know what she looks like
except from behind
and she had a nice behind
i think

she had a dog named mikey and said
mikey loves people
or as it
mikey loves everybody
mikey is special

they were standing at the mailboxes
and i drove right by her
but i
spun a little tire

backed up, turned around, check the mail
who knows
she might be the woman of my dreams
she waited until i got there
i think
and let mikey show i can care
i think
and i would have liked to see her more clearly
i think
but i was playing with mikey
so i don't know what she looks like
except from afar
when i past her in my car
i think

she had a dog named mikey and said
mikey loves people
or as it
mikey loves everybody

and all i wanted to be was
special

everybody has somebody special

all i want to be is
special

like mikey

a dog's heart

2008-10-09T23:07:00.001-04:00

the loyalty
simplicity
a dog will give you more
unconditional love
just lying on the floor
than people ever gave before
for dogs do not want
to go to war
and dogs only want
to feel secure
to be loved
more and more

a heart is like a dog
the loyalty
simplicity
a heart will give you more
unconditional love
just lying next to you
feeling as it did before
it ever learned to fear
or go to war
for hearts only want
to feel secure
to be loved
more and more

and when a heart is broken
the infant inside
awakens to unspoken
tears to be cried

the heart wants to mend
but afraid to bend
and afraid to fall

so the heart goes to sleep
hoping dreams will keep
no feeling at all

sleeping like a log
i'd rather be a dog

the sleeping dog mends
with his only friends
a bone and a ball

and when the dog wakes
like when the bow breaks
the cradle will fall

and the baby cries
and the dream dies
the baby cries
the dream dies

but is that hope i see in your eyes?...
where the sleeping dog lies...
can we be so wise?
is it a surprise?

the dog is like you
the dog is like me
the loyalty
the simplicity
and we can share much more
unconditional love
than we ever did before
if we do not want
to go to war
if we only want
to feel secure
to be loved
more and more

broken mold

2008-10-08T02:06:00.000-04:00

and who sings you to sleep today
who fills your night with song
how much life gets in the way
do you find where you belong?

does he get to you where you are most true
would he die for you if you needed him to
would he give up everything and let himself go
guess if you never ask, you don't need to know

so who sings you to sleep tonight
who fills your night with song
do you ever feel something is missing
do you ever feel something is wrong?

that's alright, you be a good girl
listen to the man and do as you're told
be all you are part of the human world
the best we can do is get old

dreams can't be bought, but they can be sold
dreams you can buy aren't worth nothing
it's best we do as we're told

compromise may be good for the soul
unless it's the song that you sing
that has to be sold

when you're left out in the cold
you don't want the broken mold
it's best to do as we're told

feeling precarious

2008-10-03T00:36:00.001-04:00

feeling precarious
slightly delerious
life is nefarious
taunting this way

feeling parlous
slightly obtuse
life is refuse
constant decay

so why do i enjoy it
even on my own
i want to be sharing
but i am alone
so i sit here writing
hoping you will read
and pretend we're sharing
that is your good deed

feeling precarious
almost hilarious
life is comparing us
looking this way

feeling so wrong
without a song
i don't belong
in this today

so why do i endure it
maybe i'm insane
i want to be sharing
but sharing is pain
so i sit here writing
hoping you will read
and tell me we're sharing
and maybe the seed
will grow
and we'll come to know
what we're doing here
before we disappear

feeling precarious
not much gregarious
time would not marry us
into the fray

feeling so numb
blind deaf and dumb
what have we become
so far away

feeling precarious
just like yesterday

the way i rhyme

2008-09-10T02:06:00.001-04:00

and you say you love the way i rhyme
well where have you been all this time
why should i give you what you want
when i am still bleeding
what are you needing
why are you back now after all this time
what's in it for me?

and you bring the same praise and etiquette
another husband, but does he know yet
why should i believe this is not
one more set up to be shot
i gave it all i got
how much can we hope to forget
and why should we?

what good is trusting you now
it's hard to reach the middle of one's own back
the knife has been twisting for years
all the blood has thrown me off track
washed away in a river of tears
after all rain that has been falling
i may have to hide when i'm calling

married women are nothing but trouble
when you get too close
even worse when you turn around
and you've got ghosts

and you stroke my ego oh so well
well why should i believe you now
relegated to the trash for so long
what could be missing
from your life
that you'd bring me back
me and my knife
do you want my blessing
for your husband and wife
do you want forgiveness
do you want the knife
how much more of my life
do you want this time?
and all because you say you love
the way i rhyme --
what now, this time...
the way i rhyme.

www

2008-09-08T00:02:00.000-04:00

it's so weird
no way to check who is checking on me
it's so weird
to have this window on the world through which i cannot see
it's so strange
to have taken you for granted for so long
it's so strange
that you don't even know that i am writing you this song

world on the web
friends far away
electronic words
so much to say
yet in a blink
everything's gone
and even if you don't think
you could carry on
you carry on

it's so weird
after ten years of writing each day
it's so weird
not like i have nothing left to say
it's so strange
like losing a link to a part of me
it's so strange
to have this window on the world through which i cannot see

world on the web
where have you gone
i'll still right here
babbling on
yet in a blink
we're out of touch
and even if you think
it doesn't mean so much
it means so much

what are we beyond the image of who we think we might be
based only on the words we read and write and sometimes say
we're still just a phone call away

but what is it that becomes something when nothing is here
is it all our imaginations that lead us to believe we really care
when the connection just seems to disappear

it's so weird
to be so dependent on blogs and email
it's so weird
to miss it so much when connections fail
it's so strange
i know i'm not the only one who feels this way
but here i sit alone writing these words
and here these words and i alone will stay

it's so weird
no way to check who is checking on me
it's so weird
to have this window on the world through which i cannot see
it's so strange
to have taken you for granted for so long
it's so strange
that you don't even know that i am writing you this song

a rhyme

2008-09-07T01:25:00.000-04:00

you seem to want to fit me into your life
the question is where and how far
how much time and space are you prepared to share
after all, penetration is not something to be taken lightly

though humor is my favorite sword and shield
it is also filled with great insight and is my saving grace
sanity is maintained by finding it everywhere
i wonder where you find yours
and what lives (or dies) behind your closed doors

i might say i almost feel comfortable with you
but i must admit i feel comfortable anywhere
i wonder if i still flinch at the thought of unconditional trust
after all, suicide is not something to be taken lightly

within the humor lies a simple puzzle
though still intricate and as complex as you want it to be
peace lives deep within the irreverence
i wonder where you find yours
and what lived (or died) during your past wars

shall we ignore the attraction?
say it is all in my mind?
sometimes safety in numbers is still not as safe
as staying alone

shall we ignore the affection?
say we don't want to give?
sometimes shutting down is still not as safe
as going all in

when you are at that point where you can say
what have i got to lose that i haven't lost already
you might give up and just wait alone to die
or share the superficial already dead inside
or just go for the sharing one more time
unconditional trust and honest love
that is a rhyme

you seem to want to find a way to rhyme with me
the question is how and how much
how much time and space are you prepared to share
after all, imitation is not something to be taken lightly

though logic is my favorite song and dance
it is also filled with great mystery and controversy
consciousness is maintained by finding it everywhere
i wonder where you find yours
and what lives (or dies) behind your closed doors

when you are at that point where you can say
what have i got to lose that i haven't lost already
you might give up and just wait alone to die
or share the superficial already dead inside
or just go for the sharing one more time
unconditional trust and honest love
i'll go for unconditional trust and honest love
one more time...
that is a rhyme

with hope in my heart

2008-04-30T02:16:00.000-04:00

when i was younger and much more romantic
i believed in falling in love
even though i knew deep down it was a choice
i willing gave up my senses and voice
back then, secure as a friend,
i believe in the human heart
so now i wonder was it just false faith
when did my dreams fall apart?

when people are cruel to each other
when you try to fool your brother
when people take all they can
pretending to care till it's gone

i wonder what they discover
what do you get out of it?
if you ask me, people turn love
into a pile of shit

now don't get me wrong
see, i wrote this song
with hope in my heart
and tears in my eyes
because i am scared
i need a reprieve
from the evidence
for i want to believe
but i see human beings
everywhere we go
destroying and hating
the smile's just for show

you can misunderstand if you want to
it's probably easier that way
but if you're in earshot
then maybe you hear what i say

i don't know where i belong
humanity has love all wrong
but i wrote this song
with hope in my heart
will you prove me wrong?

when people are cruel to each other
when you try to fool your brother
when people take all they can
pretending to care til it's gone

i wonder what they discover
what do you get out of it?
if you ask me, people turn love
into a pile of shit

you can misunderstand if you want to
it's probably easier that way
but if you're in earshot
then maybe you hear what i say

i don't know where i belong
humanity has love all wrong
but i wrote this song
with hope in my heart
will you prove me wrong?

comfort food

2008-03-17T20:48:00.005-04:00

She sits there eating cookie after cookie, crème wafers covered in milk chocolate, chunky chocolate chip, double stuffed oreos, the chocolate covered kind that is sometimes hard to find in the stores. After two Italian subs, half a meatball, half a veal, and a whole eggplant (because the vegetables balances the diet, you know), all parmesan with double cheese and extra sauce (because she is so very oral, you know), and she is looking forward to the midnight snack, the two halves she did not just eat. It is only just after eight o'clock, after all, and she always has a snack before bed. The prime time hours have just begun, her favorite time of the day, so she has her snack tray laid out around her and she's making the great escape into other people's lives and carbohydrate heaven.

He knows how to be healthy, he's done it before, after all, as a former marathon runner and almost Olympian, yet he sits at his computer writing about his life, complaining mostly, because he must have given up on his dreams somewhere along the way, at least temporarily, long enough to pack on fifty pounds, much against his medical advice, and lose any connection with a social life, except for the messages on his computer. As midnight approaches, he drinks another Red Bull so he can continue on into the night, writing, writing, writing out his life, pouring out the loose thoughts and careless emotions that remain after whatever it was that shut him down and drove him to this, a shut-in existence linked to the outside world only by the umbilical cordless mouse-ball he ordered on the internet where he taps on into the night feeling like the king of his cyber kingdom.

They are two lost souls living in a fishbowl of electronic compassion, real as they want it to be. Her phone rings, she ignores it. The best part of her favorite episode is on and she must see it for the seven or eight hundredth time, year after year.

There's a knock at his door, he ignores it. He is on a roll and nothing can stop his fingers now for they are tapping out the symphony of his imaginary existence.

They are content, or at least numb, which is a form of contentment, I suppose.

the next word you say

2008-03-03T03:26:00.001-05:00

do you want to make love tonight?
i mean how do you feel about it
i ask as a friend, not as a come on
are you one who can take it of leave it
or are you one who can't live without it

do you want to make love right now?
i mean how important is it to you?
money sex power food or possessions
which of these are most important to you?
i ask because i want to know you

before we can go any further
before we can grow any closer
we need to be honest with each other
about what really turns us on

oh sure we can fake an orgasm
or we can pretend we are kind
for a moment we can be anything
but who lives deep inside your mind
that's what i want to find

oh yeah we can be well in control
existential or generous or casual
for a moment we can be anything
but what really motivates your rise
and what would cause your fall

what i offer is what i want to receive
the most precious thing to me can only be
honest unconditional love and trust
if this is too much then just keep looking past me
i am looking for someone who understands
can we place our lives in each other's hands
not in some fantasy or fairy tail
but in the real world where we just might fail

there are no perfect people
only perfect intentions
can we trust we offer the same?
the next thing you do
the next word you say
will let me into your game
now will you tell me your name?

do you want
do you want
do you want
what do you want tonight?

do you want
do you want
do you want
what do you want tonight?

Carol Without Strings

2008-02-06T03:47:00.001-05:00

on the back of a xmas carol I write this song...

I suppose I could have forced you in spite of yourself
all I had to do was support you and take all your abuse
I suppose I could have heard you when you said you were a bitch
and all you ever knew was using men like mindlessly scratching an itch

i could have gotten through a lot sooner than this
before I hit the street so hard
you know I made you the queen of everything
and you wanted more, but you couldn't handle being god

queen of sheeba
martyr hari
mother diva
wouldn't marry
you just wanted
everything
heart soul body mind spirit life
without strings

I suppose I could have been stronger in spite of myself
all I had to do was grow up more and rise above your noose
I suppose I could have broken you instead of letting you break me
but you were already so damaged inside that I just let you take me

it could have been much less dramatic than this
before so much life passed by
you know how precious time is to me
and you wanted it all but you couldn't handle eternity

such a waste of time
such a waste of love
did it make you better
to watch it burn?
ashes to ashes
in your wake
will you ever know you are less
with every heart you break
the more you give the more you are
you only have what you take

I'd rather be than own
that is being free... and home
I'd rather give than take
that is knowing love... awake

queen of sheeba
martyr hari
mother diva
wouldn't marry
you just wanted
everything
heart soul body mind spirit life
without strings

lost in your fear you may never hear
or know just what is wrong
but maybe someday you will understand
so on the back of a xmas carol...
I wrote you this song

LOVE

2008-02-02T02:28:00.000-05:00

Can you handle being the most important person in the world, the most important thing in the universe, the most important entity in the infiniverse - ever? I mean, really - can your ego handle being that? Way beyond any god ever conceived. More important than anything, anywhere, ever. Can you honestly believe that you deserve that much respect, value, devotion, and importance?

Cuz if you want me to fall in love with you, and I do, then that is exactly what you will be. That is exactly what you will mean to me.