you seem to want to fit me into your life
the question is where and how far
how much time and space are you prepared to share
after all, penetration is not something to be taken lightly
though humor is my favorite sword and shield
it is also filled with great insight and is my saving grace
sanity is maintained by finding it everywhere
i wonder where you find yours
and what lives (or dies) behind your closed doors
i might say i almost feel comfortable with you
but i must admit i feel comfortable anywhere
i wonder if i still flinch at the thought of unconditional trust
after all, suicide is not something to be taken lightly
within the humor lies a simple puzzle
though still intricate and as complex as you want it to be
peace lives deep within the irreverence
i wonder where you find yours
and what lived (or died) during your past wars
shall we ignore the attraction?
say it is all in my mind?
sometimes safety in numbers is still not as safe
as staying alone
shall we ignore the affection?
say we don't want to give?
sometimes shutting down is still not as safe
as going all in
when you are at that point where you can say
what have i got to lose that i haven't lost already
you might give up and just wait alone to die
or share the superficial already dead inside
or just go for the sharing one more time
unconditional trust and honest love
that is a rhyme
you seem to want to find a way to rhyme with me
the question is how and how much
how much time and space are you prepared to share
after all, imitation is not something to be taken lightly
though logic is my favorite song and dance
it is also filled with great mystery and controversy
consciousness is maintained by finding it everywhere
i wonder where you find yours
and what lives (or dies) behind your closed doors
when you are at that point where you can say
what have i got to lose that i haven't lost already
you might give up and just wait alone to die
or share the superficial already dead inside
or just go for the sharing one more time
unconditional trust and honest love
i'll go for unconditional trust and honest love
one more time...
that is a rhyme
5 comments:
It's taken all this time for me to begin to put into words what keeps bringing me back to your words, babblings and rhymes ...
Like others blessed with silken pen ... you have the ability to speak one-on-one and to all at the same time. Now, don't brush this off by commenting about honesty and truth and Quixotic quests and staying true to your core and all that other verbal diarrhea (however true those disclaimers may be) you use to deflect compliments (yup I know some compliments have hidden agendas ... but sometimes they don't ... or the hidden agendas don't really affect you because they're about the growth or discovery inherent to the person speaking the praise ... but I digress) ...
It truly is an art to string words in such a way that the reader is immediately pulled in, hugged, comforted (the same goes for less warm and fuzzy emotions)and feels like they are being spoken to directly ...
perhaps the reason why so many of us have fallen for your charms along the way ... (may also explain the "competitive" edge some of us have felt at one time or another ... more on that later) ...
But to get back to my point (if I actually had one ... Help! ... it's slipping away) ... like a good song, like a great motivational speech ... like timeless quotations and sayings ... the reader feels that they are spoken to directly … and because of this, the words have more meaning, there is that connection that is born … and we all come back for more …
There was a time where I wanted and needed for every word you wrote to be for me (oh gosh … golly gee … where can I hide? … such a selfish, greedy girl) … and when you wouldn’t, couldn’t (and thank goodness, shouldn’t have) … I tried to silence your pen. For that I am truly sorry … (and I’m sure there will be more on that later as well).
Back in the here and now … I read this poem … and it is written to whomever … the universe … to me … to her … to them … but there is enough within to personalize, to spark contemplation and thought and ponderings and wonderings …
Dr. Phil has nothing on you!!
signal strength: very low
that's what the laptop says about the connection, but i try anyway...
at least two direct influences, more likely three or four, were at the start of the rhyme and you were one... in fact, you may have inspired the first line more than anyone else... that is not intentionally a bread crumb or bone for the little one, it is as it is, but if it feels good, or at least strong, then it mattered that i noted it here...
yes, i brush off compliments, mostly because ego does stupid things with them and i do not like to do, or even think, stupid things... i felt a good creative success as i wrote this rhymje, not great, though a few awesome moments sprinkled from the words to the reader/writer in me...
and shifting the spotlight from me to my observations of your words - your comparison to dr. phil diminishes the compliment, but then, that is what we do when we close with irreverence to lighten the moment - and as you correctly point out, i am habitual (and rather not bad) at humble when i want to be... what is real is for me to know and the one to find out, and maybe a few others, and posterity, maybe, but that is not even for me to know...
you give great head, ego-mind strokes, and it does mean much more than my irreverences might suggest, but then, even in your doubts, i believe you always knew that and perhaps that is why, in your secure moments, you return...
and you have a great knack for keeping it impersonal, general, in the first person plural rather than the first person singular, which allows the doubts to grow...
your first line spoke of you and your reasons, then you spoke of the reader, the person, many of us, some of us, and we all, diffusing and undermining your attempt to convey your feelings, your reasons, and you, personally - intentionally or not (and i still believe it is mostly unintentional, but comfortable enough to be accepted consciously when you notice... of course i could be wrong the moment i cross the line from my observation to my speculation as i just did, but as you know as well as anyone, that's rarely stopped me)...
dragging myself back into the spotlight, i am master baiter and a master avoider, i know, at times doing both so well that it goes unnoticed... it is amusing and comforting when you or others who know me through words notice... the questions in the rhyme remain, however, and even though i may make them easy to avoid, they are the point...
and honesty and truth and Quixotic quests and staying true to your core and all that other verbal diarrhea (however true those disclaimers may be) is about as true as the catch all (and ever so popular) logic (and even wisdom) of remaining indecisive by choosing no plans...
aye? (does zorro smirk? :)
yes I diffuse ... I do, I do ...
force of habit ... deep psychological overtones and undertones ... perhaps ... I'm not concerned - the point that I wanted to make was personalized - first person singular ... and the rest may simply my own song and dance ...
... my long and winding road ...
... and that is me ... take it or leave it. Too many other things more important to savour, to taste, to examine, to play with and twist this way and that ...
... and in that process if diffusion is actually harmful or a waste or no longer pleasurable ... it'll change as I change or become more aware ...
... ah Zorro smirks
ah questions ... so you want answers even if this rhyme isn't really about me as you say ...
(BTW- I purposely ignored the comments about good head and ego-strokes ... but the thought just popped back into my head. Should I have said "thank you"? And I just feel like sharing this little tidbit ... the part of me that I can always love no matter how secure or insecure or damaged or whatever I may be, or have been or will be ... is that part of me that sees beauty or goodness or grace or intelligence or any of those wondrous things that many take for granted or miss because their heads are too far up their asses or hanging too low to the ground ... and that part of me always feels the need to caress, fondle, appreciate and thank {whichever is appropriate at the time}... so all that to say I'm good at it because I've had a lot of practice and plan to continue)
... Allow me my delusions ... are where the answers begin ...
leave me an opening like this, will you?...
oh, how i once longed for you to say those two words, and here you write them twice...
cringe on your own time, let's see what else your words can inspire...
you inspired the thought, the first few lines, the second line question, for sure, but then i realized it was pointless to ask you (not to suggest you would not answer with a bit of prodding) because there is so little room in your life and there is so much of me, so i turned to a few others inspiring me, especially one who i had met the night i wrote this who happens to share a few fundamental interests (music, theatre, acting, games) and experiences and that's where the bridge (ignoring the attraction) and other lines came from...
the second verse then generalized and focused more on me... the duality of the third was at least for two, the zinger of the first two lines was not as intentional as the honesty, and the second two lines were definitely inspired by you and my years in and around buffalo...
fourth verse returns to me and generality, though naturally the questions are posed to you and the new few inspirations...
the bridge was more about the girl i met that night, however there is still a touch of you in there...
by the the chorus (when you are at that point) i was hearing janis singing freedom's just another word... and brought the rhyme home to me, giving myself advice...
the next verse is a bit of ego play at the world with the hint of the initial inspirations from you and the girl i met and a few others...
the last verse is a bit more tease and a challenge to prove the validity of perspective, like why should i take someone's consciousness seriously, show me where it comes from, make it meaningful to me, worth my time...
but most of all, be one with everything, share openly and honestly, and come out from behind closed doors (as i see all people as living behind closed doors)...
so there's my analysis for what it's worth...
yes, in the comment i was offering praise - no need to thank me, but hopefully it felt good as it was meant to encourage you to feel good about yourself...
i love the fact that this one got to you somehow, that the words meant something, that they had creative value and maybe some personal value as well...
i liked this one myself, a lot, and i am rather blase about my writings these days... the combination of your re-entry and meeting a new inspiration and feeling balanced put these words together...
i hope it's as good as it felt :)
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