skip to main |
skip to sidebar
listening to the words of a song
from a movie that was a play
will someone care
sung by the members of a life support group
for people dying of aids
suddenly i am aware
that everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end
and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end
we're all asking
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
it may be more obvious with cancer or aids
but we all share the same fear
of being alone at the end
old age is the final card that is played
if none of the others do it,
old age will, my friend
for everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end
and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end
we're all asking
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
sometimes i want to end it all while i can
rather than be alone when i'm helpless at the end
sometimes i want to end it all, do you understand?
no one answers when i ask who will be the friend?
we're all asking
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
for everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end
and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end
I've got a strange relationship with myself
I trust myself unconditionally
so I let myself get in all sorts of trouble
and far from the one I know as me
it must be confusing to anyone who looks
at my life with any serious concern
but there are no worries, just missing pieces
and still so much more to learn
still so much more to learn
why don't we give the next page of my life a turn
I’ve got to get a handle on my impulses today
I’m letting imbalanced lusts get carried away
and I have not been writing to myself enough lately
letting distractions dilute deeper desires in me
looking for connections
comments messages and tweets
looking for attention
looking for someone who wants to meet
internet diversions
wanting to believe I’m finding friends
just wishing and hoping
the long term loneliness ends
but I keep so busy that I don’t
remember to keep in touch with myself
I wonder if you understand
I don’t let myself feel as lonely as I am
I’ve got to get back to taking care of myself
not just the momentary impulses
but the dreams long stashed up on a shelf
I’ve got to get back to the depths deep inside
not just the simple happy daily smiles
but the passions that have been so long denied
looking for connections
but too busy to see
looking for attention
but not giving enough attention to me
internet diversions
watching tv and playing games
just wishing and hoping
somebody will share more than names
but I keep so busy that I don’t
remember to keep in touch with myself
I wonder if you understand
I don’t let myself feel as lonely as I am
I don’t want to feel the desperation
I don’t want to settle for one night stands
I don’t want to choose someone just to quell the loneliness
I wonder if anyone understands
I’ve got to get a handle on my business today
I’m letting work and light play get carried away
and I have not been writing to myself enough lately
letting distractions dilute deeper desires in me
I must return to the deeper desires in me
must return to the deeper desires in me
must return to the deeper desires in me
must return to the deeper desires in me
you called me the love of your life
but never heard my heart was not yours
were you hoping i would fall for you
that is not what falling in love is for
it either happens or it does not
and i told you it did not for me
you told me that you had no choice
your love for me ignored my words
my selfishness ignored your voice
our choices create our lot
i wish i never let it go so far
for now i do not know where you are
i miss how much you were devoted to me
did my leaving set you free?
when we met you were pregnant with someone’s child
i never knew who he was or why he was not around
i’m not sure why i didn’t ask and now i wonder why
was i just happy you needed me and not the other guy?
when we met you were grieving, your father just died
you still lived at home, never on your own, eyes wide
just a child with a child and i took you in and shared my life
but the one thing i never wanted you to be was my wife
i tried to be kind, was i too kind?...
or is kindness cruel in the end?
you wanted me to fall in love
i wanted a best friend
you wanted a lover
i wanted a mother
too late we discovered
the two do not mix
how do people measure
what’s comfort or pleasure
when you break a treasure
maybe there is no fix
we never really saw eye to eye
maybe you chose the wrong guy
i wish i never let it go so far
for now i do not know where you are
i miss how much you were devoted to me
did my leaving set you free?
i bought you a house, then i let it go
if you paid it off it is worth five times what we paid
you wanted a spouse, i wanted a show
we were both victims of the game we played
and did we let money get in the way?
you called me the love of your life
but never heard my heart was not yours
were you hoping i would fall for you
that is not what falling in love is for
it either happens or it does not
and i told you it did not for me
you told me that you had no choice
your love for me ignored my words
my selfishness ignored your voice
our choices create our lot
i wish i never let it go so far
for now i do not know where you are
i miss how much you were devoted to me
did my leaving set you free?
i was once so sensitive that i'd cry
if i saw anger in someone's eye
everywhere i looked i saw hate and strife
all the cruelty of every life
all i could do was hope it would end
when i found someone to be my friend
but i found no one who did not betray
the words of love they tried to say
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth
i was once so considerate that i would
give everything i could just to be good
for kindness was the best feeling i could feel
and giving unconditionally made it real
but i found no one would give the same way
people take advantage and then do not stay
but i found no one who did not betray
the words of trust they tried to say
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth
so is this pathos, a poor me song
is this a foolish game dragging me along
i don't want anything from you
unless you can tell me... what is true?
i was once so generous that i'd give
everything away, that's just how i lived
now i find myself alone and feeling so tired
i can barely remember how i was once so inspired
to believe in the human heart
and in love that never ends
now i find myself alone
wondering... where is my friend
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i wonder if it's time to fold or unfold
and i feel like i have been rolled
and i think i was never told
the truth
maybe i'm depressed
maybe i'm a mess
maybe i am just tired of games
maybe this is your song
are you singing along
will you give me your real names?
is this embarrassing
do you feel anything
or have you grown this numb too?
i wonder what you think
i wonder what you drink
i wonder what surprises you
i was once so curious that i'd ask
everyone i met to remove their mask
everywhere i looked i was lies and strife
and i did not believe that was real life
I want to believe in the human heart
and in love that never ends
now i find myself alone
I don't want to pretend
it's ok...
I still find myself alone
wondering... where is my friend
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i wonder if it's time to fold or unfold
and i feel like i have been rolled
and i think i was never told
the truth
1993 we met in correspondence
she knew exactly what to write
to get into my heart and mind
love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know
1995 she confessed her love for me
she told me her whole life was a lie
she needed me so she could fly
love is forever
love always grows
this is the most
precious dream I know
1997 two years of bliss and pain
I gave her control of my brain
she tried to make me go insane
love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know
1999 I gave her everything I could
from far away I waited for her
to do what she said she would
all the while she was begging me to hang on
all the while she was asking for everything I could give
all the while she was keeping me living in yesterday
using the power I gave her to keep me so far away
1999 she begged me to hold on
wait for me, she said, and I did
even when she was gone
love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know
I never really knew what was going on
all I knew was that my heart was gone
she begged me to leave it in her hands
is there anyone who understands?
2001 I crawled back to where I came from
finding myself lost and broken
half waiting half trying to understand
what happened and how to begin again
without my heart, how to begin again
love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know
2004 a correspondence, first time in three years
I felt my anger and pain dissolve in precious tears
I asked her why she actualized my greatest fear
I asked her to return my heart and mind if she would not come here
her silence fell upon me once again (I asked, why won’t you share?)
her indecision rose like a wall once again (I asked, why don’’t you care?)
only to find her that she would once again… disappear
I thought my heart was open
I thought my doors were open
I thought I was ready for love
so why am I alone
I thought that I was free and
I thought that I was me and
I thought I was over the past
I though that I had known
love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know
2008 again a few words from so far away
she confessed she used me, what else was there to say
was I the fool still waiting for her to return my heart?
and now, am I free?... where and how do I start?
she said she married another and he gave her a child
she moved on but she still will not let go
there is no room in her life for me today
but she will not let go
is it because I know
love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know
love is forever
the best I’ve got
how it can end is something
I still do not know
all the while she was begging me to hang on
all the while she was asking for everything I could give
all the while she was keeping me living in yesterday
using the power I gave her to keep me so far away
I never really knew what was going on
all I knew was that my heart was gone
she begged me to leave it in her hands
is there anyone who understands?
she still keeps the best of me
under her lock and key
even though she started over long ago
had another child with another man in 1999, oh
and yet she still will not return the things that keep me hanging on
so what am I to do when my heart and mind are gone?
this is the only way I know to carry on
love is forever
no matter what
love is still the most
precious dream I know
if you don’t like to be touched, keep your distance
i have learned how to feel like that but it is not really me
if you don’t like to be hugged, keep your distance
i have learned how to keep mine, but that is not really me
i want to find some one who will remind me who i am
how i feel and how i love to be felt
i want to find someone who can believe and understand
how true love makes a heart melt
can your mind melt
can your body melt
when was the last time you felt
how you love to be felt
if you don’t like to be touched, keep your distance
i have learned to be afraid but that is not really me
if you don’t like to be loved, keep your distance
i have learned how to be numb, but that is not really me
i know why i am down deep inside
i know i’ve learned how to run and hide
i’ve learned how to pretend i’ve died
but there is so much more denied
and sharing will remind me
sharing will make it real again
sharing will help me find me
sharing will let me feel again
sharing’s the answer
sharing is what life’s about
so much has been buried deep inside
sharing will let it back out
i want to find some one who can really share
how it feels to be in love and be felt
i want to find someone who can believe and understand
how true love makes a heart melt
can your mind melt
can your body melt
when was the last time you felt
how you love to be felt
when you’re sharing
life is sharing
i want to be sharing
and sharing will remind you
sharing will make it real again
sharing will help you find you
sharing will let you feel again
sharing’s the answer
sharing is what life’s about
so much has been buried deep inside
sharing will let it back out
so afraid of living
so afraid of dying
so afraid of giving
so afraid of trying
feeling like i may be
the only one who isn't lying
sitting here alone
just alibying
wasting away
not even watching the world going by anymore
what's left to say
i left behind what i was living for
once in a dream
i fell in love forever
now it just seems
whatever, whatever
why should anybody care about me now
when i'm not ever caring about myself
how can i find a friend when i've forgotten how
all the dreams are lost up on a shelf
and i'm
so afraid of living
so afraid of dying
so afraid of giving
so afraid of trying
feeling like i may be
the only one who isn't lying
sitting here alone
just alibying
wasting away
not even watching the world going by anymore
what's left to say
i left behind what i was living for
once in a dream
i fell in love forever
now it just seems
whatever, whatever
somewhere buried in my mind
lost dreams calling from above
somewhere buried in my heart
i dream of falling in love
oh god i
still dream of falling in love
but i am
so afraid of living
so afraid of dying
so afraid of giving
so afraid of trying
feeling like i may be
the only one who isn't lying
sitting here alone
just alibying
wasting away
not even watching the world going by anymore
what's left to say
i left behind what i was living for
once in a dream
i fell in love forever
now it just seems
whatever, whatever
i don't have much time left in this life and all i do is work and moan
doesn't feel so good always being on my own
i don't have much hope left in this life for finding someone to love me
doesn't feel so good always feeling so lonely
will i always be
so afraid of living
so afraid of dying
so afraid of giving
so afraid of trying
feeling like i may be
the only one who isn't lying
sitting here alone
just alibying
wasting away
not even watching the world going by anymore
what's left to say
i left behind what i was living for
once in a dream
i fell in love forever
now it just seems
whatever, whatever
you say you want me to call
but you don't like talking on the phone
you like your talking face to face i wonder,
how long have you been on your own
you hand me your number as i leave
and encourage me to care for myself
now what am i supposed to make of that oh,
what's that book up on your shelf?
is it pride and prejudice
or is it war and peace
maybe tale of two cities
or the golden fleece
is it something unique
someone i never heard of
oh...
or are you writing something new
and does it take two
for the love or words
or are we gonna fall in love
you say you want me to call
well haven’t been asked for so long
i like the smile on your face i wonder,
what would you do with your own song
you reach out to hug me as i leave
i think i’m not sure i remember how
i was feeling you pressed up against me oh
what's that book your reading now?
is it the road less traveled
or is it custer’s last stand
quixote de la mancha
alice in wonderland
is it something brand new
will it fit us like a glove
oh...
should i act like i have no clue
or move like i do
for the love or words
does the answer come from above
what book do you read when you are most alone
what book can take you home
what book do you read when you’re most afraid
have you ever felt saved
by words or music or anything
what book lives inside your heart
i want to know your story
so where shall we start
you say you want me to call
but you don't like talking on the phone
you like your talking face to face i wonder,
how long have you been alone
you give me a smile as i leave
makes me want to take a good look at myself
now what am i supposed to make of that oh,
what's that book up on your shelf?
lost in the revelry
a lonely voice sighs
counting the promises that
have turned into lies
and in the morning light
an innocent cries
picking up the pieces
of life's greatest prize
and where are the friends we used to know
where is the caring
all of the love, where did it go
where is the sharing
once we could trust each other
like sisters and brothers
and now we hide behind locked doors
if i give you mine tonight
could i ask for yours?
lost in the cacophony
a lonely heart beats
counting the moments passing
as little defeats
living a life alone
a social life dies
we are social beings
is this a surprise?
so where are the friends we used to know
where is the caring `
all of the love, where did it go
where is the sharing
once we could trust each other
like sisters and brothers
and now we hide behind locked doors
if i give you mine tonight
could i ask for yours?
are there still dreamers dreaming the dreams
that created fairy tales?
are there still poets imagining
a love that never fails?
are there still children sharing pretending
without a world of fears?
are there still people living happily ever after
anywhere?
lost in the industry
a lonely hand asks
will anyone hold me today
between all the tasks
and in the dark of night
loneliness on the rise
counting the years passing
wondering why
we share less and less,
and then we die
why oh why oh why
why don't we learn to share more
before we die?
can we learn to share more
before we die?
oh where are the friends we used to know
where is the caring `
all of the love, where did it go
where is the sharing
once we could trust each other
like sisters and brothers
and now we hide behind locked doors
if i give you mine tonight
could i ask for yours?
