skip to main |
skip to sidebar
listening to the words of a song
from a movie that was a play
will someone care
sung by the members of a life support group
for people dying of aids
suddenly i am aware
that everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end
and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end
we're all asking
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
when old age ails me
when i must depend on someone else
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
it may be more obvious with cancer or aids
but we all share the same fear
of being alone at the end
old age is the final card that is played
if none of the others do it,
old age will, my friend
for everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end
and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end
we're all asking
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
when old age ails me
when i must depend on someone else
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
sometimes i want to end it all while i can
rather than be alone when i'm helpless at the end
sometimes i want to end it all, do you understand?
no one answers when i ask who will be the friend?
we're all asking
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
when old age ails me
when i must depend on someone else
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass
will i lose my dignity
will someone care
for everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end
and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end
I've got a strange relationship with myself
I trust myself unconditionally
so I let myself get in all sorts of trouble
and far from the one I know as me
it must be confusing to anyone who looks
at my life with any serious concern
but there are no worries, just missing pieces
and still so much more to learn
still so much more to learn
why don't we give the next page of my life a turn
I’ve got to get a handle on my impulses today
I’m letting imbalanced lusts get carried away
and I have not been writing to myself enough lately
letting distractions dilute deeper desires in me
looking for connections
comments messages and tweets
looking for attention
looking for someone who wants to meet
internet diversions
wanting to believe I’m finding friends
just wishing and hoping
the long term loneliness ends
but I keep so busy that I don’t
remember to keep in touch with myself
I wonder if you understand
I don’t let myself feel as lonely as I am
I’ve got to get back to taking care of myself
not just the momentary impulses
but the dreams long stashed up on a shelf
I’ve got to get back to the depths deep inside
not just the simple happy daily smiles
but the passions that have been so long denied
looking for connections
but too busy to see
looking for attention
but not giving enough attention to me
internet diversions
watching tv and playing games
just wishing and hoping
somebody will share more than names
but I keep so busy that I don’t
remember to keep in touch with myself
I wonder if you understand
I don’t let myself feel as lonely as I am
I don’t want to feel the desperation
I don’t want to settle for one night stands
I don’t want to choose someone just to quell the loneliness
I wonder if anyone understands
I’ve got to get a handle on my business today
I’m letting work and light play get carried away
and I have not been writing to myself enough lately
letting distractions dilute deeper desires in me
I must return to the deeper desires in me
must return to the deeper desires in me
must return to the deeper desires in me
must return to the deeper desires in me
people have become untrustworthy
the hope once held in the human heart
is gone
gone
gone
people have become undeserving
the love once held for the human heart
is gone
gone
gone
people can be bought and sold too easily
people are too gullible for reality
people prefer ignorance delusion and fantasy
to knowledge awareness and honesty
just look around if you do not believe me
unless you really do not want to see
are you just like all the people lost in futile fantasy
people are you people just pretending to be free
people are you people entropy
and in the end...
people have become...
people have become...
people have become...
undone
i was once so sensitive that i'd cry
if i saw anger in someone's eye
everywhere i looked i saw hate and strife
all the cruelty of every life
all i could do was hope it would end
when i found someone to be my friend
but i found no one who did not betray
the words of love they tried to say
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth
i was once so considerate that i would
give everything i could just to be good
for kindness was the best feeling i could feel
and giving unconditionally made it real
but i found no one would give the same way
people take advantage and then do not stay
but i found no one who did not betray
the words of trust they tried to say
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth
so is this pathos, a poor me song
is this a foolish game dragging me along
i don't want anything from you
unless you can tell me... what is true?
i was once so generous that i'd give
everything away, that's just how i lived
now i find myself alone and feeling so tired
i can barely remember how i was once so inspired
to believe in the human heart
and in love that never ends
now i find myself alone
wondering... where is my friend
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i wonder if it's time to fold or unfold
and i feel like i have been rolled
and i think i was never told
the truth
maybe i'm depressed
maybe i'm a mess
maybe i am just tired of games
maybe this is your song
are you singing along
will you give me your real names?
is this embarrassing
do you feel anything
or have you grown this numb too?
i wonder what you think
i wonder what you drink
i wonder what surprises you
i was once so curious that i'd ask
everyone i met to remove their mask
everywhere i looked i was lies and strife
and i did not believe that was real life
I want to believe in the human heart
and in love that never ends
now i find myself alone
I don't want to pretend
it's ok...
I still find myself alone
wondering... where is my friend
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i wonder if it's time to fold or unfold
and i feel like i have been rolled
and i think i was never told
the truth
1993 we met in correspondence
she knew exactly what to write
to get into my heart and mind
love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know
1995 she confessed her love for me
she told me her whole life was a lie
she needed me so she could fly
love is forever
love always grows
this is the most
precious dream I know
1997 two years of bliss and pain
I gave her control of my brain
she tried to make me go insane
love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know
1999 I gave her everything I could
from far away I waited for her
to do what she said she would
all the while she was begging me to hang on
all the while she was asking for everything I could give
all the while she was keeping me living in yesterday
using the power I gave her to keep me so far away
1999 she begged me to hold on
wait for me, she said, and I did
even when she was gone
love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know
I never really knew what was going on
all I knew was that my heart was gone
she begged me to leave it in her hands
is there anyone who understands?
2001 I crawled back to where I came from
finding myself lost and broken
half waiting half trying to understand
what happened and how to begin again
without my heart, how to begin again
love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know
2004 a correspondence, first time in three years
I felt my anger and pain dissolve in precious tears
I asked her why she actualized my greatest fear
I asked her to return my heart and mind if she would not come here
her silence fell upon me once again (I asked, why won’t you share?)
her indecision rose like a wall once again (I asked, why don’’t you care?)
only to find her that she would once again… disappear
I thought my heart was open
I thought my doors were open
I thought I was ready for love
so why am I alone
I thought that I was free and
I thought that I was me and
I thought I was over the past
I though that I had known
love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know
2008 again a few words from so far away
she confessed she used me, what else was there to say
was I the fool still waiting for her to return my heart?
and now, am I free?... where and how do I start?
she said she married another and he gave her a child
she moved on but she still will not let go
there is no room in her life for me today
but she will not let go
is it because I know
love is forever
no matter what
this is the most
precious dream I know
love is forever
the best I’ve got
how it can end is something
I still do not know
all the while she was begging me to hang on
all the while she was asking for everything I could give
all the while she was keeping me living in yesterday
using the power I gave her to keep me so far away
I never really knew what was going on
all I knew was that my heart was gone
she begged me to leave it in her hands
is there anyone who understands?
she still keeps the best of me
under her lock and key
even though she started over long ago
had another child with another man in 1999, oh
and yet she still will not return the things that keep me hanging on
so what am I to do when my heart and mind are gone?
this is the only way I know to carry on
love is forever
no matter what
love is still the most
precious dream I know
so afraid of living
so afraid of dying
so afraid of giving
so afraid of trying
feeling like i may be
the only one who isn't lying
sitting here alone
just alibying
wasting away
not even watching the world going by anymore
what's left to say
i left behind what i was living for
once in a dream
i fell in love forever
now it just seems
whatever, whatever
why should anybody care about me now
when i'm not ever caring about myself
how can i find a friend when i've forgotten how
all the dreams are lost up on a shelf
and i'm
so afraid of living
so afraid of dying
so afraid of giving
so afraid of trying
feeling like i may be
the only one who isn't lying
sitting here alone
just alibying
wasting away
not even watching the world going by anymore
what's left to say
i left behind what i was living for
once in a dream
i fell in love forever
now it just seems
whatever, whatever
somewhere buried in my mind
lost dreams calling from above
somewhere buried in my heart
i dream of falling in love
oh god i
still dream of falling in love
but i am
so afraid of living
so afraid of dying
so afraid of giving
so afraid of trying
feeling like i may be
the only one who isn't lying
sitting here alone
just alibying
wasting away
not even watching the world going by anymore
what's left to say
i left behind what i was living for
once in a dream
i fell in love forever
now it just seems
whatever, whatever
i don't have much time left in this life and all i do is work and moan
doesn't feel so good always being on my own
i don't have much hope left in this life for finding someone to love me
doesn't feel so good always feeling so lonely
will i always be
so afraid of living
so afraid of dying
so afraid of giving
so afraid of trying
feeling like i may be
the only one who isn't lying
sitting here alone
just alibying
wasting away
not even watching the world going by anymore
what's left to say
i left behind what i was living for
once in a dream
i fell in love forever
now it just seems
whatever, whatever
you say you want me to call
but you don't like talking on the phone
you like your talking face to face i wonder,
how long have you been on your own
you hand me your number as i leave
and encourage me to care for myself
now what am i supposed to make of that oh,
what's that book up on your shelf?
is it pride and prejudice
or is it war and peace
maybe tale of two cities
or the golden fleece
is it something unique
someone i never heard of
oh...
or are you writing something new
and does it take two
for the love or words
or are we gonna fall in love
you say you want me to call
well haven’t been asked for so long
i like the smile on your face i wonder,
what would you do with your own song
you reach out to hug me as i leave
i think i’m not sure i remember how
i was feeling you pressed up against me oh
what's that book your reading now?
is it the road less traveled
or is it custer’s last stand
quixote de la mancha
alice in wonderland
is it something brand new
will it fit us like a glove
oh...
should i act like i have no clue
or move like i do
for the love or words
does the answer come from above
what book do you read when you are most alone
what book can take you home
what book do you read when you’re most afraid
have you ever felt saved
by words or music or anything
what book lives inside your heart
i want to know your story
so where shall we start
you say you want me to call
but you don't like talking on the phone
you like your talking face to face i wonder,
how long have you been alone
you give me a smile as i leave
makes me want to take a good look at myself
now what am i supposed to make of that oh,
what's that book up on your shelf?
feeling precarious
slightly delerious
life is nefarious
taunting this way
feeling parlous
slightly obtuse
life is refuse
constant decay
so why do i enjoy it
even on my own
i want to be sharing
but i am alone
so i sit here writing
hoping you will read
and pretend we're sharing
that is your good deed
feeling precarious
almost hilarious
life is comparing us
looking this way
feeling so wrong
without a song
i don't belong
in this today
so why do i endure it
maybe i'm insane
i want to be sharing
but sharing is pain
so i sit here writing
hoping you will read
and tell me we're sharing
and maybe the seed
will grow
and we'll come to know
what we're doing here
before we disappear
feeling precarious
not much gregarious
time would not marry us
into the fray
feeling so numb
blind deaf and dumb
what have we become
so far away
feeling precarious
just like yesterday
