listening to the words of a song
from a movie that was a play will someone care
sung by the members of a life support group
for people dying of aids
suddenly i am aware
that everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end
and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end
we're all asking will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
when old age ails me
when i must depend on someone else
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass will i lose my dignity
will someone care
it may be more obvious with cancer or aids
but we all share the same fear
of being alone at the end
old age is the final card that is played
if none of the others do it,
old age will, my friend
for everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end
and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end
we're all asking will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
when old age ails me
when i must depend on someone else
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass will i lose my dignity
will someone care
sometimes i want to end it all while i can
rather than be alone when i'm helpless at the end
sometimes i want to end it all, do you understand?
no one answers when i ask who will be the friend?
we're all asking will i lose my dignity
will someone care
when the body fails me
when i can no longer care for myself
when old age ails me
when i must depend on someone else
will i face nursing home dangers
will i be put out with the trash
will i be at the mercy of strangers
wiping my nose, my drool, my ass will i lose my dignity
will someone care
for everyone is dying
and everyone is trying
to not be alone in the end
and everyone is wondering
the question is thundering
will someone be the friend
who will be there in the end
I've got a strange relationship with myself
I trust myself unconditionally
so I let myself get in all sorts of trouble
and far from the one I know as me
it must be confusing to anyone who looks
at my life with any serious concern
but there are no worries, just missing pieces
and still so much more to learn
still so much more to learn
why don't we give the next page of my life a turn
I’ve got to get a handle on my impulses today
I’m letting imbalanced lusts get carried away
and I have not been writing to myself enough lately
letting distractions dilute deeper desires in me
looking for connections
comments messages and tweets
looking for attention
looking for someone who wants to meet
internet diversions
wanting to believe I’m finding friends
just wishing and hoping
the long term loneliness ends
but I keep so busy that I don’t
remember to keep in touch with myself
I wonder if you understand
I don’t let myself feel as lonely as I am
I’ve got to get back to taking care of myself
not just the momentary impulses
but the dreams long stashed up on a shelf
I’ve got to get back to the depths deep inside
not just the simple happy daily smiles
but the passions that have been so long denied
looking for connections
but too busy to see
looking for attention
but not giving enough attention to me
internet diversions
watching tv and playing games
just wishing and hoping
somebody will share more than names
but I keep so busy that I don’t
remember to keep in touch with myself
I wonder if you understand
I don’t let myself feel as lonely as I am
I don’t want to feel the desperation
I don’t want to settle for one night stands
I don’t want to choose someone just to quell the loneliness
I wonder if anyone understands
I’ve got to get a handle on my business today
I’m letting work and light play get carried away
and I have not been writing to myself enough lately
letting distractions dilute deeper desires in me
I must return to the deeper desires in me
must return to the deeper desires in me
must return to the deeper desires in me
must return to the deeper desires in me
you called me the love of your life
but never heard my heart was not yours
were you hoping i would fall for you
that is not what falling in love is for
it either happens or it does not
and i told you it did not for me
you told me that you had no choice
your love for me ignored my words
my selfishness ignored your voice
our choices create our lot
i wish i never let it go so far
for now i do not know where you are
i miss how much you were devoted to me
did my leaving set you free?
when we met you were pregnant with someone’s child
i never knew who he was or why he was not around
i’m not sure why i didn’t ask and now i wonder why
was i just happy you needed me and not the other guy?
when we met you were grieving, your father just died
you still lived at home, never on your own, eyes wide
just a child with a child and i took you in and shared my life
but the one thing i never wanted you to be was my wife
i tried to be kind, was i too kind?...
or is kindness cruel in the end?
you wanted me to fall in love
i wanted a best friend
you wanted a lover
i wanted a mother
too late we discovered
the two do not mix
how do people measure
what’s comfort or pleasure
when you break a treasure
maybe there is no fix
we never really saw eye to eye
maybe you chose the wrong guy
i wish i never let it go so far
for now i do not know where you are
i miss how much you were devoted to me
did my leaving set you free?
i bought you a house, then i let it go
if you paid it off it is worth five times what we paid
you wanted a spouse, i wanted a show
we were both victims of the game we played
and did we let money get in the way?
you called me the love of your life
but never heard my heart was not yours
were you hoping i would fall for you
that is not what falling in love is for
it either happens or it does not
and i told you it did not for me
you told me that you had no choice
your love for me ignored my words
my selfishness ignored your voice
our choices create our lot
i wish i never let it go so far
for now i do not know where you are
i miss how much you were devoted to me
did my leaving set you free?
if i fantasize about you every night
would you tell me it is wrong or it's alright?
if i promise all my heart and soul to you
would you tell me it's a dream that can't come true?
if i prayed to every god to hold your hand
would you tell me that you don't undestand?
if i lived my life to make your dreams come true
would you tell me i'm a fool - i wish i knew
and if i reached out to touch you
what would you do?
just a look in your eyes
has me mesmerized
just the way that you smile
melts me - is it your style?
just the way that you walk
just the way that you talk
just the way that you are
am i going too far?
and if i never actually get you to notice me
if this love i feel remains only a fantasy
if all that comes of this is the song i sing
i will still give you everything
for the dream of you and the hope you bring
makes me feel like a king
and if this kingom is all in my mind
in this life
it is . . .
all i need to find
the look in your eyes
all i need to find
just the way that you smile
all i need to find
just the way that you walk
all i need to find
just the way that you talk
all i need to find
just the way that you are
all i need to find
all i need to do
to make all my dreams come true
is dream
of you
to make all my dreams come true
all i need to find
is you
how I would love to get up your skirt
and take you to where nothing can hurt
where rockets go off and sirens wail
and you feel like you could never fail
in that moment of bliss
when the four lips kiss
and the bodies entwine
how I wish you were mine
(I will make you mine)
will you let me in
will you let me in
will you let me in
portishead sings glory box
and love begins
how I would love to dive into your eyes
and find out where the whole truth lies
in that moment when nothing can hide
and you let love reach you deep inside
in that moment of high
when you could just die
and you find you live
with so much to give
(how I want to give)
will you let me give
will you let me give
will you let me give
if you looked at me i would let you in
and ask you to tell me where to begin
to show you i care and want to be your friend
that's the kind of love that has no end
if you kissed me i would not hide my surprise
i would ask you who lives behind your eyes
what does your heart want most in this life
and your dreams, can we wake them tonight
found your comment and came to see
who you might be
and what you might inspire in me
i wish you the world, whatever you want
and all you want to be
that's all for now, i'll take my leave
you know where to find me
if you came to my door i would let you in
with hope something beautiful could begin
take your comfort, trust your instincts now
and be yourself as only you know how
there was a time I was so adored
and I never meant to hurt anyone
there were people who knew my heart
where all there is is love and fun
there were people I trusted unconditionally
and people who trusted me
but I wanted too much and they’re gone
I pushed them away with my carrying on
cuz the first lesson I learn in life
was that people do not stick around
abandonment became
a self-fulfilled prophesy
and now my heart beat is a lonely sound
I wish I knew better back then
before I pushed away all my friends
I wish I didn’t test how much they loved me
just to prove everybody pretends
I wish I knew how to compromise
before I gave into all the lies
I wish I didn’t push everybody away
just to prove no one would stay
doesn’t anybody understand
I will die for love
and I have more than once in this life
won’t somebody hold my hand
to live for love
where is my long lost wife
I sit awake alone at night
writing these songs
dreaming of loving once again
do I hold on too tight
do I let go too fast
I wish I knew better now
than I did then
now I wonder did you ever feel as loved
as when you let me love you
was it too much or not enough
will I ever know what is true
now I wonder if you ever believe i
would love you beyond the day I die
here I am in a place with no time
still loving you – that is my crime
doesn’t anybody understand
I will die for love
and I have more than once in this life
won’t somebody hold my hand
to live for love
where is my long lost wife
I sit awake alone at night
writing these songs
dreaming of loving once again
do I hold on too tight
do I let go too fast
I wish I knew better now
than I did then
people have become untrustworthy
the hope once held in the human heart
is gone
gone
gone
people have become undeserving
the love once held for the human heart
is gone
gone
gone
people can be bought and sold too easily
people are too gullible for reality
people prefer ignorance delusion and fantasy
to knowledge awareness and honesty
just look around if you do not believe me
unless you really do not want to see
are you just like all the people lost in futile fantasy
people are you people just pretending to be free
people are you people entropy
and in the end...
people have become...
people have become...
people have become...
undone
i was once so sensitive that i'd cry
if i saw anger in someone's eye
everywhere i looked i saw hate and strife
all the cruelty of every life
all i could do was hope it would end
when i found someone to be my friend
but i found no one who did not betray
the words of love they tried to say
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth
i was once so considerate that i would
give everything i could just to be good
for kindness was the best feeling i could feel
and giving unconditionally made it real
but i found no one would give the same way
people take advantage and then do not stay
but i found no one who did not betray
the words of trust they tried to say
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth
so is this pathos, a poor me song
is this a foolish game dragging me along
i don't want anything from you
unless you can tell me... what is true?
i was once so generous that i'd give
everything away, that's just how i lived
now i find myself alone and feeling so tired
i can barely remember how i was once so inspired
to believe in the human heart
and in love that never ends
now i find myself alone
wondering... where is my friend
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i wonder if it's time to fold or unfold
and i feel like i have been rolled
and i think i was never told
the truth
maybe i'm depressed
maybe i'm a mess
maybe i am just tired of games
maybe this is your song
are you singing along
will you give me your real names?
is this embarrassing
do you feel anything
or have you grown this numb too?
i wonder what you think
i wonder what you drink
i wonder what surprises you
i was once so curious that i'd ask
everyone i met to remove their mask
everywhere i looked i was lies and strife
and i did not believe that was real life
I want to believe in the human heart
and in love that never ends
now i find myself alone
I don't want to pretend
it's ok...
I still find myself alone
wondering... where is my friend
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i think my heart and mind got old
and i think my soul was somehow sold
and i think i was never told
the truth
and i think i've grown hard and cold
and i wonder if it's time to fold or unfold
and i feel like i have been rolled
and i think i was never told
the truth
i wonder if you're too busy
i wonder if you're depressed
i wonder if you're just dizzy
i wonder if you're upset
i wonder if you are hearing
voices telling you to run
or someone demanding you do not
continue what you have begun
i wonder if you are feeling
i wonder if you are numb
i wonder if you just want to
punish yourself for things you've done
i wonder if you are being
careless or insensitive
have you turned off your heart again
or just think you have nothing to give
i am wondering about you
what is real and what is true
what you want and what you do
i am wondering about you
i am wondering about you
what is old and what is new
what inspires you to break through
i am wondering about you
i wonder if you're sleeping
it's the middle of the night
i wonder if you're dreaming
about darkness or light
i wonder if you're sharing
what is real and what is true
i wonder if you're caring
that i am wondering about you
i wonder what shuts you down
i wonder what turns you on
i wonder what remains
i wonder what is gone
i wonder what went on here
and did i miss the signs
i wonder what you wanted
betwixt and between the lines
i am wondering about you
what is real and what is true
what you want and what you do
i am wondering about you
i am wondering about you
what is old and what is new
what inspires you to break through
i am wondering about you
i wonder if you're sleeping
it's the middle of the night
i wonder if you're dreaming
about darkness or light
i wonder if you're sharing
what is real and what is true
i wonder if you're caring
that i am wondering about you
