with hope in my heart

when i was younger and much more romantic
i believed in falling in love
even though i knew deep down it was a choice
i willing gave up my senses and voice
back then, secure as a friend,
i believe in the human heart
so now i wonder was it just false faith
when did my dreams fall apart?

when people are cruel to each other
when you try to fool your brother
when people take all they can
pretending to care till it's gone

i wonder what they discover
what do you get out of it?
if you ask me, people turn love
into a pile of shit

now don't get me wrong
see, i wrote this song
with hope in my heart
and tears in my eyes
because i am scared
i need a reprieve
from the evidence
for i want to believe
but i see human beings
everywhere we go
destroying and hating
the smile's just for show

you can misunderstand if you want to
it's probably easier that way
but if you're in earshot
then maybe you hear what i say

i don't know where i belong
humanity has love all wrong
but i wrote this song
with hope in my heart
will you prove me wrong?

when people are cruel to each other
when you try to fool your brother
when people take all they can
pretending to care til it's gone

i wonder what they discover
what do you get out of it?
if you ask me, people turn love
into a pile of shit

you can misunderstand if you want to
it's probably easier that way
but if you're in earshot
then maybe you hear what i say

i don't know where i belong
humanity has love all wrong
but i wrote this song
with hope in my heart
will you prove me wrong?

comfort food

She sits there eating cookie after cookie, crème wafers covered in milk chocolate, chunky chocolate chip, double stuffed oreos, the chocolate covered kind that is sometimes hard to find in the stores. After two Italian subs, half a meatball, half a veal, and a whole eggplant (because the vegetables balances the diet, you know), all parmesan with double cheese and extra sauce (because she is so very oral, you know), and she is looking forward to the midnight snack, the two halves she did not just eat. It is only just after eight o'clock, after all, and she always has a snack before bed. The prime time hours have just begun, her favorite time of the day, so she has her snack tray laid out around her and she's making the great escape into other people's lives and carbohydrate heaven.

He knows how to be healthy, he's done it before, after all, as a former marathon runner and almost Olympian, yet he sits at his computer writing about his life, complaining mostly, because he must have given up on his dreams somewhere along the way, at least temporarily, long enough to pack on fifty pounds, much against his medical advice, and lose any connection with a social life, except for the messages on his computer. As midnight approaches, he drinks another Red Bull so he can continue on into the night, writing, writing, writing out his life, pouring out the loose thoughts and careless emotions that remain after whatever it was that shut him down and drove him to this, a shut-in existence linked to the outside world only by the umbilical cordless mouse-ball he ordered on the internet where he taps on into the night feeling like the king of his cyber kingdom.

They are two lost souls living in a fishbowl of electronic compassion, real as they want it to be. Her phone rings, she ignores it. The best part of her favorite episode is on and she must see it for the seven or eight hundredth time, year after year.

There's a knock at his door, he ignores it. He is on a roll and nothing can stop his fingers now for they are tapping out the symphony of his imaginary existence.

They are content, or at least numb, which is a form of contentment, I suppose.

the next word you say

do you want to make love tonight?
i mean how do you feel about it
i ask as a friend, not as a come on
are you one who can take it of leave it
or are you one who can't live without it

do you want to make love right now?
i mean how important is it to you?
money sex power food or possessions
which of these are most important to you?
i ask because i want to know you

before we can go any further
before we can grow any closer
we need to be honest with each other
about what really turns us on

oh sure we can fake an orgasm
or we can pretend we are kind
for a moment we can be anything
but who lives deep inside your mind
that's what i want to find

oh yeah we can be well in control
existential or generous or casual
for a moment we can be anything
but what really motivates your rise
and what would cause your fall

what i offer is what i want to receive
the most precious thing to me can only be
honest unconditional love and trust
if this is too much then just keep looking past me
i am looking for someone who understands
can we place our lives in each other's hands
not in some fantasy or fairy tail
but in the real world where we just might fail

there are no perfect people
only perfect intentions
can we trust we offer the same?
the next thing you do
the next word you say
will let me into your game
now will you tell me your name?

do you want
do you want
do you want
what do you want tonight?

do you want
do you want
do you want
what do you want tonight?

Carol Without Strings

on the back of a xmas carol I write this song...

I suppose I could have forced you in spite of yourself
all I had to do was support you and take all your abuse
I suppose I could have heard you when you said you were a bitch
and all you ever knew was using men like mindlessly scratching an itch

i could have gotten through a lot sooner than this
before I hit the street so hard
you know I made you the queen of everything
and you wanted more, but you couldn't handle being god

queen of sheeba
martyr hari
mother diva
wouldn't marry
you just wanted
everything
heart soul body mind spirit life
without strings

I suppose I could have been stronger in spite of myself
all I had to do was grow up more and rise above your noose
I suppose I could have broken you instead of letting you break me
but you were already so damaged inside that I just let you take me

it could have been much less dramatic than this
before so much life passed by
you know how precious time is to me
and you wanted it all but you couldn't handle eternity

such a waste of time
such a waste of love
did it make you better
to watch it burn?
ashes to ashes
in your wake
will you ever know you are less
with every heart you break
the more you give the more you are
you only have what you take

I'd rather be than own
that is being free... and home
I'd rather give than take
that is knowing love... awake

queen of sheeba
martyr hari
mother diva
wouldn't marry
you just wanted
everything
heart soul body mind spirit life
without strings

lost in your fear you may never hear
or know just what is wrong
but maybe someday you will understand
so on the back of a xmas carol...
I wrote you this song

LOVE

Can you handle being the most important person in the world, the most important thing in the universe, the most important entity in the infiniverse - ever? I mean, really - can your ego handle being that? Way beyond any god ever conceived. More important than anything, anywhere, ever. Can you honestly believe that you deserve that much respect, value, devotion, and importance?

Cuz if you want me to fall in love with you, and I do, then that is exactly what you will be. That is exactly what you will mean to me.